書信

 寫信是件浪漫的事情。

在恬靜的角落，房內只有桌上枱燈微微的燈光，給友人或愛人寫下內心說話。將信封封起，輕舐郵票，貼在信封的右上角。翌日在上班的路途上，把信件投進郵筒，然後靜候對方的回覆。

不知道現今還有多少人有這種悠然自得的閑情了。

美國著名物理學家 Richard P Feynman (1918 - 1988) 醉心研究發明、講課，他說自己只愛交流、最怕書寫，想不到這位偉大的諾貝爾物理學得主在年輕的時候，寫了多封情信給初戀情人 Arline。

Richard Feynman 很早便認定了她是他的結婚對象，當 Arline 被證實患上肺結核，即使遭家人反對，他也二話不說迎娶了她。結婚當天，Feynman 將 Arline 從醫院移到註冊處，沒有家人出席，臨時找了兩名過路人見證。

婚後，Arline 長留醫院，Feynman 要繼續他大學的工作，二人在週末才可見面，期間透過書信傳達愛意。

那個時候，肺結核是絶症，沒多久 Feynman 的最愛去世了。

兩年後，他給她寫了一封信，寫道：

    To Arline Feynman, October 17, 1946

    D’Arline,

    I adore you, sweetheart … It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you’ll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and what I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you.

    I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector.

    Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures. When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried.

    Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want to stand there.

    I’ll bet that you are surprised that I don’t even have a girlfriend after two years. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t understand it, for I have met many girls … and I don’t want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

    My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead,

    Rich.

    PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address.

因為這封信，每次看到書架上 Don't You Have Time to Think? 一書的時候，我仍為這對戀人過早陰陽相隔而感到難過。